I'm becoming one of "THEM"

And by "them", I naturally mean one of those Mac-totting, coffee-sipping hippies you see around town, especially at places like Tryst and Dupont Circle Starbucks.

I cant help but think of the movie "Best in Show", where Parker Posey and her (unmemorable) movie husband discuss meeting at Starbucks, while each was working on their Mac.


--"I was a double espresso guy"

--"Yea, I thought that was sexy"

Lord knows, I drink enough caffeine to kill a large horse (and if that fuckin caffeine calculator hadnt crapped out, we'd know exactly how much I've consumed), so why not join the ranks of my fellow coffeephiles and buy a Mac? Well...I just did. Its coming today, which makes June 5th somewhat like December 25th. I'm awaiting the FedEx man with great aaaaaantiiiicipation (said like Dr Frankenfurter).

So starting tomorrow I can "work from home", go to Tryst, and nod at my fellow Macees. Isnt that what the commercials say to do, after all? You know the irony of today was when I got up this morning, ran to check the shipping status online, and my IBM laptop flashed up the Blue Screen of Death. Never again!

When penises fly...

Thanks to Wonkette for this post...it made me smile 5 min before having to give a very stressful briefing.

http://wonkette.com/391872/flying-penis-invades-russian-political-scene

Let the madness begin

Yesterday was my first triathlon, and before I get into the details, let me just say that I sit here typing with total rigimortis of the legs.

Initially I was very apprehensive of how well I'd do in this "sprint" tri (1k swim, 22k bike, 5k run). It is well known on the swim team that I usually sit out for at least a 50 in any distance over 200 yards, and even more if its a repeated middle- or long-distance set. Typically its because my shoulders fatigue quickly (I'm built for sprinting). Add a wetsuit on top of those shoulders, and it only gets worse. Then there's the bike...I just bought a road bike and only rode it twice before the tri, which isnt much less than I've ridden my other bike since last fall. Lastly, I HATE running, and only ran a total of 6 miles within a month before the race.

Alas, the competitor in me kicked into high gear, and I was in good spirits come the start of the race:

Pumped up before the race.

So we (The Maestro and I) setup and suit-up...get ready for our wave of the swim to start. My strategy was take it long and slow, stay to the outside, and just hope to do the whole thing freestyle. Apparently 1min before the gun, The Maestro noticed a marked difference in my demeanour--going from jovial to ultra-competitive. What can I say, I'm thrive in competition. So as the swim started, I thought The Maestro was going strong, so I took off in a nice relaxed swim. Being on the outside, I went off course several times. The first turn I looked back and saw that most of the green caps (our age) were behind me. (Kickass!) It was then that I started eating the feet of the previous wave. I am not exaggerating with the term "eat"...the lake was as murky as a body of water gets; it was nearly impossible to see your stroking hand in the water. The ego boost of being out in front definitely improved my swim--the other reason I sit out a lot in distance practice is just the knowledge that I suck at a 200+, whereas I'll do sets of 200 IM's with no problem.

End of swim: 5th place age group; 17th overall (11min)

Transition: Let's just say that I was in the bottom 10% of T1 transition times. (3min : 51sec) I had lots of problems putting on my shirt--never again.

Bike: The course was very technical, with rolling hills, turns, and few straight-aways. At least it didn't get boring. But the hills were punishing, and its where I took over many people (it seems like people are afraid to stand and peddle...I dont know why). But after my 17th place in the swim (besides the absolute shitty T1), then only place I could go is down...which I did. Rank 144 (54min).

Stock pic of my bike...just add pedals and aerobars.

Transition: Not nearly as bad, though I dropped my Oaklies running from the "end bike" to the transition area, had to turn around and go back for em. Embarrassing, to say the least.

Run: This portion was the antithesis of the swim. Swimming I past just about everyone, running, everyone passed me. In all, I overtook two people. I had no legs to begin with...and the start was a sadistic uphill portion that made everyone just want to cry. But I ran/jogged the whole thing, which bettered my goal of "no walking."

The Maestro was not happy about getting smoked.

All in all, it was a very fun event, and if nothing, I learned a little about my own mental toughness. Needless to say, all I did when I got home was be lazy and sleep.

Not looking so fresh after the race.

Crazy black girls

I had two experiences today that I needed to share, thus recommitting myself to this blog...and boy have I left out a lot, which I will catch up on in due time.

First...
I'm getting lunch when one of the secretaries is talking to the fried rice at the buffet saying, "This is good stuff, I just dont like the brussel spouts in it."













....ummm, those are peas!


Second...
The Engineer was kind enough to send me this link, a reminder of what its like to live in ATL. God, I'm glad Metro is not anything like MARTA (aka, Moving Africans Rapidly Through Atlanta)

http://www.break.com/index/crazy-subway-girl.html

Burnin down the house!

The neighborhood is a'buzz with talk of the fire--at 5 alarms, it was the largest in DC in 30 years. And since it was a mere block and a half away from my apartment, I heard every screaming fire truck, ambulance, and police car on the way to the scene. Now, having seen which building burned, I have theories myself as to the cause/modus operandi of the blaze.

Granted, four buildings burned that night--victims of the first building, a large white apartment complex. This building has been trying to renovate over the last two years, a slow process to be sure. I think they were trying to capitalize on the clean up and gentrification of Mt Pleasant. However, the older tenants--mostly Mexicans (in the general sense of the term), were not vacating to allow for the renovation probably as fast as the owners would like. Every once in a while I'd see some yuppie white guy or girl walk into the building--obviously they were in the same jam that I was when trying to find their first apartment in DC. ...They took what they could get after only once visit and a few nice pictures.

I digress: Two days ago (or so) there was an article in the Express about how Jim Graham and some other city councilwoman are trying to change one of the laws in DC meant to protect tenants. It is well known that DC has very liberal tenant laws. This law in question states something to the effect that a building owner may only convert to a condo complex if the building is no longer inhabited, or if there is a buy-out of the current renting tenants. Too many owners were just neglecting the buildings, waiting for people to leave on their own right, thus allowing them to convert to condo without a buy-out.

Is it no surprise, then, that the building that burned received something like 7,000 housing violation complaints over the last couple years? Maybe...just maybe, they got tired of neglecting the building and dealing with city officials over the violations, decided to burn it, and will then turn condo since the building is unoccupied.

Let's wait and see if the all-knowing Consummate Aries is proved right.

Ode to Carolina

Carolina...my old home; my old friend
Why are you so unable to change?
Evolution may be considered farce, but occurs nonetheless
Except in Carolina

Yes...that was my lame attempt at poetry. Aries, being too black and white, are best not expressed in verse, but rather succinct prose. So anyway...yesterday I took a 1 day trip to Asheville for some meetings. I had high hopes of getting "something" out of this trip. But like most things in life, I was disappointed.

The disappointment occured at many levels, starting off with having to get up at 5am. WTF?! I didnt even realize that was a real time. Granted, I know it "exists" on the clock, but there are many things that we say exist, but in reality do not--like dominant bottoms. Besides a lack of sleep (and coffee), I had to drive 2hrs each way because Ashville has like 2 planes that land and take off each day from its airport. I arrived late, meetings were cancelled and rearranged, and I l got home at 11pm with the sense of "wow, I should've just had a telecon". I wont belabor this point, but just have to gloat and say..."TAKE THAT MEXICAN!" for a hellish 1 day trip to NC.

The Great Outdoors

Seventy three degrees, mostly sunny, and a slight breeze. Could you ask for a better day in mid-February than that? Not me. Funny thing is I've talked to a total of 4 (unrelated) people today since waking up, three of them live in the DC area. All of them, including me, decided to go hiking yesterday. What is this, Oregon? Granted, my roomie is a West Coast lesbian, so its assumed he's hiking the trails with a bag of granola any chance he can get. But everyone else? Maybe it was just a local case of the Hippie-Flu that made hikers out of all of us. Good thing...cause if eveyone went hiking yesterday, I'd have nothing selacious to blog about.

Outdoor sex.

Yup. I'm not sure if we decided to take a hike to 1. enjoy the outdoors, 2. do something different, or 3. have sex outdoors. Probably a 33.3% split. And wouldnt ya know, as soon as we start hiking around the national park near The Musician's house, I see him eyeing various logs and fallen trees for acceptable locations. Now I wont belabor the point, but it was interesting, although prematurely interrupted by rain. Nonetheless, it was very reminiscent of my 'straight days', when I would have sex with the man-woman Nicole outside all the time...beach, forest, lakes, lifeguard stands, tree stands, etc. I think its been 10 years since good outdoor sex. Sad. But hopefully "times, they are a' changin."

Commitment

Over the last few years--a veritable drought when it comes to successful dating--I've wondered whether I am relationship capable. As mentioned before, I've never held a relationship with a guy for more than a year. Sad. And at 30, I felt like my biological clock is ticking *pounds foot on the floor a la Marissa Tome.* I mean, if you cant have at least ONE successful long term relationship in your 20's, when you're energetic and good looking, can it be done with such ease later? Well to make a long story short...you all know about The Musician--to whom I affectionately call "lesbian" due to his emotional, relationship-oriented nature. I definietly had a period of "Let's wait and see; We need to take it slower; Let's not rush into this." While I knew that was the healthy thing to do, I still had GCC in the back of my head screaming that I'm 'cold'. Well I think I've emerged through all of that now, and am better for it--or should I say we are.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is the old adage. Between my week-long trip to New Orleans--facing temptation from all the guys there, and this unforunate law-related incident that we've had to deal with (not to mention him living in South Bumblefuck), I've realized that this really is (as Martha would say) "a good thing."

So here comes the committment part...yesterday before sending him off for the weekend, we booked a cruise for the weekend after my 30th birthday--I was planning to be in FL for a swim meet, and I also wanted to treat myself to something nice. And what is better for relaxation, pampering, and fun than a cruise? So this is what we're doing (link). So yea...now I'm locked into the guy til after April. But that's just fine by me.

I bet he wears AF clothes too

The other night I was at that old New Orleans gay standby--the Bourbon Street Pub. It was Saturday night, and all I could remember from my last visit were the hot bartenders and go-go dancers. Well let's just say that this is another example of how things just aren't quite the same in this town post Katrina. The guy shaking his booty (a move I believe he stole from me) on the bar was actually a good 45 years old. Granted, he had a perfect body, but there's just something wrong about strippers being over, I dunno, 30. I know that's total age discrimination--but for something superficial like stripping, that's probably socially acceptable. Though its still better than those ultra-chicken twinks that they have dancing at Town on Friday nights. At least he's got some beef. At Town, I always hear, "Where's the beef?!" in the back of my head.

Recover. Rebuild. Rebirth.

The last three years of my life have been in many ways linked to Hurricane Katrina: I experienced the storm first hand in Florida, and the aftermath of it and Wilma were motivators to move to DC. I've also spend countless hours working with documentary producers on the subject, creating and providing video and images of the storm, giving explanations, etc. So naturally, this visit to New Orleans has a certain appeal--see how things have recovered, compare it to before the storm, and get to see the town (version 2.0) that I've dealt so much with from afar.
Things here are definitely on a more reduced scale. Everything seems the same along Canal, Poydras, or the major streets in the Quarter, but the people are fewer and the energy is lower. Last night was the first parade of Mardi Gras festivities--and that was somewhat of a let-down. But an experience, nonetheless. The one thing that amazes me about NOLA, still, is the individuality of this city. Having lived in 5 cities, I can describe how each of them has a certain feel...but the character of NOLA is definitely stronger and more unique than any city I've visited, even more than NY I'd venture to say. I'm sure that, unlike the smell of piss in the street, no storm will wash that away.

All cultural and shit...

Last night The Musician decided to take me out for a night of cultural exploration. As a classical musician, with a MS in conducting (??) and soon to be starting his PhD in the same field, I was out of my league with regard to subject expertise. A rarity for this Aries. Alas, the agenda for the night was dinner at Sequoia followed by a night with the National Symphony Orchestra, featuring violin virtuoso Sarah Chang--at the Kennedy Center. My reviews follow:

Sequoia:
I've always heard good things about this place from The Mexican and the GCC's object of lust. I, however, was not impressed. I started with a glass of Malbec--not bad. We then shared the appetizer of lobster chipotle spring rolls. As a food snob, these were poorly executed. The taste of lobster was undetectable, just the texture. Instead, the palate was over inundated with the fatty textures from the outer fried covering of the spring roll, and the chipotle remoulade-like sauce inside. I gave it a D.

My entree was the seafood stew--being a cold rainy night, I thought this was perfect, but not too heavy less I become drowsy at the NSO. The presentation was huge...a large dish probably 16" in diameter. In it was 1/2 lobster, several scallops, shrimp, swordfish (though the waiter said salmon), and mussels. Lobster was alright, the scallops were a tad overcooked, the sword was good, mussels were old and tasteless, and the shrimp--wow. They came in two sizes, normal ones with the tails on, which were good, and the mini kind you see in very cheap appetizer plates, way overcooked. The saffron broth was enjoyable, along with the crostini with lobster mousse. I give it a B or B-.

Desert was a creme brulee--very nicely done. I do enjoy a nice relatively think brulee crust, so I was happy. I give it an A-.


The National Symphony Orchestra:
The performance was divided into three pieces, the beginning was The Overture to the Magic Flute (Mozart), followed by Corigliano's Symphony #2, and then Brahms' Concerto in D Major for Violin.

I do enjoy Mozart, and the performance of the Magic Flute was quite excellent--though I had to adjust to Leonard Slatkins somewhat odd conducting style, which I will not treat here. Corigliano was boring. He's a contemporary composer, and was, in fact, in attendance. The beginning reminded me of the them to Psycho, the remainder wasn't any better. Brahms was alright--not my favorite piece by him. But Chang did blow us away with her cadenzas in the piece.

An entertaining 3 hours

Yesterday I had my once a month, 3 hour long council meeting--I'd say the name, but I don't want this blog to come up as a Google hit. Let's just say its a Council at my federal agency related to education. Ok. Usually these meetings are insanely boring, but I feel some obligation to go since its somewhat high-level, and good for networking. I usually find the inner fortitude to make it through with only minor doodling in my notebook.

But yesterday I was able to fully enjoy (as much as 3hr policy meeting can be) this affair. As I was looking around the room I noticed some striking similarities between council members and famous people. As they spoke I just replaced their faces with those of their celebrity twins. The first, and most obvious one was someone I work closely with, and have always noticed this similarity:

"I hated her... so... much, It--it..the f--, it--flame...flames...flames on the side of my face, breathing, breath... heaving, breaths... heaving... " OMG, I die every time I see her, the resemblance is so uncanny--even has the same hair, just auburn instead of brunette.

The next is the person who staffs the council meeting--John. I never noticed before yesterday, but he looks just like Monty Burns.


I used to think he was somewhat good looking--could've been the British accent. But yesterday as I stared at his profile, I noticed the resemblance. The same large forehead, hooked nose, tall lankiness, and penchant for holding his hands together.

Lastly, there was an invited speaker. She wasn't a real person, per se, just a stereotype. In this case, it was the most annoying type of stereotype for a true Aries--the cheerleader

With blonde hair and perky boobs, her bubbly personality made me want to leave the meeting an hour early. Its bad that I discriminate, but you can tell she's just not all there. To make things worse, she was all "Yay, awesome" and "Fabulous!" at a somewhat formal council meeting. I'm sure the straight guys, like Mr Burns, were more than enthralled with her presentation. I just gritted my teeth, and kept repeating, "Flames...flames on the side of my face."

I'm running for president

Many people run on single-issue platforms. Ross Perot had his chickens, Steve Forbes was the flat tax, last election W was all about national security, as is Guiliani this year. My presidential platform will be health care. But its not the position you'd imagine.

As I walk to the Metro each morning, I pass the kids going to the Bell and Lincoln multicultural schools. Not once have I ever seen these kids scarfing down something healthy for breakfast as they rush off to class. Nope, its usually something like chips, Doritos, Skittles, etc. Invariably they're also incredibly fat for their age...and growing wider by the day. The problem with socialized health care is that I'll have to pay for their unnecessary diabetes and other treatments. Fuck that! If we go down this road towards socialized health care, I want a requirement that to qualify, you need a BMI below 30. Failure to maintain that BMI will result in the loss of coverage--except the use of fitness related discounts.

Twiddling thumbs

I like to think that I don't have the typical federal work ethic. Actually, I'm quite work obsessed when I'm in the office. Today is driving me absolutely nuts...I have 1 week til I leave for New Orleans for a huge conference and the chance to really make some $$$. My "To Do List" has 7 items on it--each one taking considerable amounts of time, all needing to be finished in a week. But here I sit...twiddling my thumbs, waiting for my computer to spit out the latest iteration of the project I'm working on. Amazing how it takes my system an hour to process 1/2 a job. Let's run down my configuration:

• Dell Precision 690, Windows XP (no 64bit Windows allowed)


• 2x 3.33GHz Intel Dual-Core Processors


• 4GB RAM


• 1TB Storage


• NVIDIA Quadro FX 3500 video card

Its a pretty substantial system. Yet here I wait. And wait more. And keep waiting. UGH!! My work OCD is driving me absolutely insane! No wonder I'm so worn out after each work day this week.

Its the thought that counts

I've mentioned before that I'm a food snob. I wouldn't call myself a "foodie", since I don't go around to all the latest and greatest restaurants trying to experience the newest culinary concoctions. But I am sometimes overly critical of food preparations and ingredients. Unfortunately, this means I often assert my prowess in friends' kitchens--I cant help it, its an Aries trait. Now I'm not the world's best cook, by any means. I'm probably just slightly better than the average 29yr old male. So naturally, living with the Imelda and having the opportunity to entertain for our friends makes me happy, along with cooking for the Musician. However, this also means he feels the necessity to return the favor, as happened the other night.

I commuted my ass down to Dumfries, where he lives. The plan was dinner and a movie--but he was going to cook. I was very optimistic. He sent me a text mid-day asking if I like blue cheese. Usually, any recipe that uses a good Roquefort or Gorgonzola gets a gold star in my book. Nope...that just went on the salad. Nice touch though. But the main course: roasted turkey, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. Sounds good right? Except the turkey was some kind of pressed turkey-like meat substance in a loaf form, with gelatinous gravy. Mmmmm. The mashed potatoes were boxed. Mmmmm. And the broccoli was frozen in cheese sauce. Actually pretty mmmm (again, cheese). But I will admit, I love the idea of a man cooking for me, especially after a tiring day at work. "A for Effort" or should it be "Affort"?

The most important day in politics

...for 10,000 people. That's right, today is the Iowa Caucus. For a state of 2.9 million people, we sure are devoting a lot of time and money. And out of that 2.9m, how many people will actually participate in this most arcane of all political polling events? Basically it works like this....Fred, Sally-Sue, Uncle Elijah and Aunt Ester all go to the local barn, stand around, and at 7pm they go stand in the corner of the candidate they like--but even better is the fact that this is meant to be a peer pressure environment. "Sure, that might be the candidate who's stance on the issues best reflect yours, but this is the COOL corner." I just don't get it.

Iowa--the state of 100 sqaures. Looks like a raibow quilt, eh?

Surpassing the peer pressuring in lunacy...the combined money spent on all television ads equates to about $200 per person in Iowa. Assume that only 10% will actually caucus, that's $2,000 for each cauc (my term for "one who caucuses", pronounced like "cock"). Ridiculous. I think the candidates would get more swing votes if they just cut a $1,000,000 check to a local school.

What's in store for 2008?

I read a good blog passage on the Metro today from The Express. It went something like, "A friend says that what you were doing at midnight on New Years is what you will be doing for the rest of the year." If that's true, I'm happy. I was having sex.

So what were you doing at the stroke of midnight?

POP!

As many of you heard on Monday night, the cherry was finally popped. I have mixed emotions over this--I used to enjoy sex, but it wasn't nearly as good as I expected it would be (but also not as difficult/painful). To quote our much missed GCC, "I tried bottoming, and it really wasn't for me". Oh well. Maybe it gets better with time? Maybe? Please!