Almost a Sucker

Last night I decided to have a "night off"...no socializing, gym, or swimming. Inevitably that means I spent the better part of the night chatting online, flipping through tv channels, watching porn, and jerking off a few times. Three of those four can create an additively dangerous environment, "The Perfect Storm." So there I was chatting with some young hot thing (I think I attract them like flies to shit) from Atlanta. He was supposed to visit/fly to DC this weekend, but a friend's family emergency meant that he had no place to stay. Enter "The Perfect Storm"...I start thinking (after seeing his pics and discussing sexual proclivities) that I could help a gay in need and provide him with a floor/sofa/bed/penis to sleep on this weekend. Might be kinda odd, but is that any worse than hooking up with a complete stranger? I justified this line of thought by the fact that we had friends in common in ATL--or at least that's what Myspace said. Fortunately after jerk-off session #2, the storm passed, the skies cleared, and I regained my sanity. But if it wasn't for a few hot clips on Xtube, who knows what exploits I would have shared on here come Monday.

The Cyber Closet

Most of us reading this blog are proud to be openly gay citizens, though the degree of outness sometimes varies--are you out to just yourself, family, friends, coworkers, ex-girl friends? I'm not passing judgement on what degree is good or bad, we all come to that position of acceptance and comfort at different stages in our lives. However, no matter how "Out" we seem to be as gay men, there's still the last closet door that many are unwilling to open: admitting you met someone online.

Let's face it, we all do it. In fact, this medium, along with sites like Myspace, Friendster, Gay.Com, ManHunt, etc all promote online meetings. Where would we be without them? Hopelessly friendless or frequenting bars and bathhouses more often is my bet. So right...we've all met friends online. Why then are people afraid to admit to friends that they met someone online? Like coming out, it took me a while to feel comfortable saying it, but now I look back on how absurd online closets are. There's nothing funnier than the dynamic of standing with a group of friends at a bar, another acquaintance comes over, you introduce them. Inevitably the next question is "so how do you know each other?" In days past I might say, "Oh we have a mutual friend in Atlanta" or something else almost as believable. Now I say, "we met online"...and there appears the look of shock on both the faces of your group of friends and your "acquaintance"...HE SAID THE O-WORD!!

Now if you're The Imelda and drunk, you'll press even more to make the O-closeted acquaintance even more uncomfortable..."so which site was it?" I think that might be a step too far, I don't want to really "out" the person for being on men4menwholovechickensex.com or something of the sort. But I have no problems admitting it.

The Kid Report

The common assumptions when meeting guys from online:

• Add 25lbs
• Subtract 4 visible abdominal muscles
• Subtract 2 penis inches
• Add 5 years
• Add 1 octave to natural voice

So given those assumptions, I always have relatively realistic expectations when meeting people online. Luckily I had seen all the goods of The Kid from years of chatting, swapping pics, talking on the phone, and caming (back when people did that). But there's still room for surprise. I must admit, I was very pleasantly surprised with how the weekend turned out. He was cuter, same body, much bigger, and more down to earth than I expected. We did everything but get drunk--amazing for two gay guys, as bar/clubs are the social norm. Hopefully he'll come down for some more visits, I'm sure I'll head to Pittsburgh once or twice. No expectations, its just good to have fun in life.

The Kid

As alluded to in a previous blog, I should have another outta-towner visit this weekend. And, like any visitor, there's a helluva story that goes along with this one. I started chatting with this guy Mike online--I don't remember how/where we met. He was living in Pitt, I was in Atlanta. He was younger (like 18/19) but cute and sweet...and being 24, that was an acceptable age range still. We never really intended on meeting, just one of those long distance chat pals (or the equivalent of the modern-day pen pal). We stopped chatting when he started dating a 40-something man, who was obviously only into the relationship to keep Mike as his prize. I couldn't convince him of it, even though the daddy constantly cheated on him. Stuff like that frustrates me so greatly that I just need to cease communication with weak-minded (and willed) people.

After a two year hiatus, we reconnected a few months ago. And with it came a confession: he's now 21, which made him considerably younger at the time. Basically, he lied to me--he wasn't sure, but he said there was the possibility that he wasn't even 18 at the time. I got very disgusted over this, as I have never considered even chatting with a youngin--even if it was legal in good ole Georgia, where I lived. Oh well...water under the bridge now.

So now that I'm in DC, he's lookin forward to meeting. I'm slightly apprehensive, as nothing good usually comes from meeting someone you've "known" for so long. Its usually quite disappointing. (WOW...I have a classic story to share when I have the time) But what the hell...cant hurt. If he's absolutely annoying in person, I'm man enough to say that now, and Pitt isn't too far a drive back home anyway.

Big Dicked Bottom

The Big Dicked Bottom, or BDB, is a guy I met online last year. Unfortunately he lives in Eastern Shore, so my exploits with him are somewhat limited. But our story is quite amazing. The BDB somehow chose me above all others on Myspace to hang out with....his first gay friend in DC. At 25, and a big Italian stallion muscle stud, he had never been with a guy before. WHAT?! Yea, I'm not shitting ya. So after "chilling" for a bit--mind you he brings out the butchest side in me, but its ok--we start messing around. I can tell he's not lying about me being his first guy as 1. he's obviously nervous and 2. isn't that 'good'. But these are the things you need to put up with when dealing with virgins.

Let's just say his virginity didn't last too long. He must've been fantasizing about this moment for a long time, as he was very willing. I doubt I've ever encountered anything hotter than a big muscle bottom begging for more. His ass is named "Henry" because its so large it requires naming. Wow. And not flabby, all muscle with some padding. Obviously, with a name like BDB, he ain't hurtin up front either.

So the good news...he's making a return trip to DC this weekend. I guess this will be our 4th meeting. It really is a shame he doesn't live here, nor is he planning to move. Oh well. One more potential that has no potential.

Cobbwebs

In my first blog, I mentioned that one reason I'm trying to regularly write things about my life is because my memory isn't nearly as sharp as it used to be, which troubles me greatly. Case in point: last weekend there was talk about some cute, slightly hairy new guy at practice who mentioned my name. They said his name was Jared, which didn't ring any bells in my head. No big deal, I figured there was a mix up. Then last night I see this hot guy stretching on the pool deck while I'm doing warm-up. Naturally, I stop to gawk. As soon as he sees me he smiles and says my name--I'm caught off-guard. Has my reputation preceded itself that bad/well? I could only hope. But no, somehow he knew me and my name, though I couldn't ever remember seeing him in person. Of course this leads me to assume we've chatted online. So in my head I start running through the various face pics of guys I chat with lately. FACE RECOGNITION: NEGATIVE. Luckily I briefed SD on the situation and the did the very outspoken, "Hi my name is __, what is yours?" Phew, at least now I knew his name.

After practice ends I rush home, look through the folder I keep of guys face pics, each saved by their online alias--I can never remember who people are otherwise. Nope, he's not in there either. FUCK! I wait 30min and then get an IM request. DING DING DING. Chatting back and forth for a few minutes, then comes the flashback. He has a boyfriend. STATUS: NOT A REAL PERSON.

Just my luck. Someone is excited to see me, but is already hitched. GRRR! JB, where's my drink?!