Burnin down the house!

The neighborhood is a'buzz with talk of the fire--at 5 alarms, it was the largest in DC in 30 years. And since it was a mere block and a half away from my apartment, I heard every screaming fire truck, ambulance, and police car on the way to the scene. Now, having seen which building burned, I have theories myself as to the cause/modus operandi of the blaze.

Granted, four buildings burned that night--victims of the first building, a large white apartment complex. This building has been trying to renovate over the last two years, a slow process to be sure. I think they were trying to capitalize on the clean up and gentrification of Mt Pleasant. However, the older tenants--mostly Mexicans (in the general sense of the term), were not vacating to allow for the renovation probably as fast as the owners would like. Every once in a while I'd see some yuppie white guy or girl walk into the building--obviously they were in the same jam that I was when trying to find their first apartment in DC. ...They took what they could get after only once visit and a few nice pictures.

I digress: Two days ago (or so) there was an article in the Express about how Jim Graham and some other city councilwoman are trying to change one of the laws in DC meant to protect tenants. It is well known that DC has very liberal tenant laws. This law in question states something to the effect that a building owner may only convert to a condo complex if the building is no longer inhabited, or if there is a buy-out of the current renting tenants. Too many owners were just neglecting the buildings, waiting for people to leave on their own right, thus allowing them to convert to condo without a buy-out.

Is it no surprise, then, that the building that burned received something like 7,000 housing violation complaints over the last couple years? Maybe...just maybe, they got tired of neglecting the building and dealing with city officials over the violations, decided to burn it, and will then turn condo since the building is unoccupied.

Let's wait and see if the all-knowing Consummate Aries is proved right.

More juicy pedophillic gossip

Below was the link to Wonkette's blogs about the downfall of the AOF charter member Mike McHaney in is alleged child-sexscapade. Inevitably, after reading such an article, everyone wonders what he looks like, or who the Axis of Fun are. Well here ya go...courtesy of Friendster. Best thing about his profile there...he has a partner. Of course, I'm not showing that poor sap's face.

Mike didn't realize you need to be 18 to enter the navy

The Axis of Fun at the Renaissance Festival

Sweet Revenge

For those of you who love to watch the obnoxious crash and burn, you'll love to read this blog:
http://wonkette.com/politics/axis-of-fun/mike-mchaneys-axis-of-fun-330029.php

If you have never heard of met anyone from the Axis of Fun, you're a better person for it!

Microevolution in DC

The other day I referred to reverse evolution--degeneration of derived traits to more ancestral forms. Today I'd like to introduce another evolutionary term and metaphor for what is unraveling here in DC. Microevolution is what we think of as "Dawinian Evolution"...the slow process of natural selection, but which the traits most adapted to the environment or conferring the highest fitness survive and reproduce more, thus becoming more abundant in the population. Changes (mutation) occur about 1x10e-8 cell divisions, so the chances of having a beneficial change that actually gets passed on to offspring (i.e., its a mutation in the germ cells) are pretty slim. Thus evolution in a Darwinian sense occurs very slowly over time (hopefully I'll find a DC metaphor to explain Macroevolution on here one day).

Incremental Change

In my 1.75 years here in DC I've noticed that 1. its a pretty liberal, educated, and techno-savvy town, 2. nothing gets done because of politicking, and 3. its expensive to take taxis everywhere. I was elated to hear that Fenty has ordered the switch to fare meters for our taxis. I usually take a taxi 1 or 2 times a week at most. Usually so I don't have to walk home drunk from Dupont and get mugged. The ride is 2 zones, or $8.80 in non-peak times. Its $10 during peak. FYI...the ride is 1 mile; less as the crow flies. Even worse is $6.50 to go 5 blocks to the Metro. Add in fuel surcharges (like during the summer), and I just walked or bus'ed everywhere.

So here we are...about to install these state-of-the-art (in 1891) taxi meters on all of our cabs. At the same time, NYC is moving ahead with a system that includes four main components:

1. A credit card/debit card payment system (about 10% of taxis in DC accept cards)


2. Passenger Information Monitor [PIM], essentially a TV screen that will be installed in the back seat to flash advertisements and entertainment to riders as well as a live map, facilitated by GPS, that will show passengers where they are;


3. Trip Sheet Automation that uses AVL [Automatic Vehicle Locater] technology — the equivalent of GPS—to automatically collect data about each individual cab ride; and


4. text messaging for the driver that will flash messages from TLC when the cab is stopped, or going very slowly, according to TLC's Web site.

Shouldn't we be looking to the future for our "enhancements" to the taxi system, such as NYC is doing? Maybe Congress can mandate we make these changes 25 years from now when taxis are completely obsolete.

A Step Backwards

Reverse evolution is the process by which a more derived trait of an organism degenerates into the the more ancestral version over time. The textbook example is cave fish--since they live in areas without light, the production of maintenance of eyes or other visual sensors is a waste of energy (and thus lowers fitness), so over time, cave fish have lost their eyes though other physiologies have evolved to adapt to their environment.

Today, like the cave fish, I took a step back. (I'd like to think that since leaving the PhD program with a MS, this is my only other case of reverse evolution.) Moving to DC was a significant accomplishment--new city, new well salaried job, new apartment...new life. Things were changing for the best. Not knowing anyone here, I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment by myself. If someone told me back when I had my first apartment in NC (paying $300/month) that I would some day spend $1500 on rent, I would've said "You're fucking nuts!" Amazing how shit happens. Ever since I was 24 and had enough of living with shitty roomies, I've lived alone--a major evolutionary step in maturing.

Step backwards.

As luck would have it, I'll soon be living with The Imelda. We just signed the lease today...and granted our new place is large, its probably not large enough for her 1,060 pairs of shoes. Though I'm not "scared" of living with her, I am somewhat apprehensive about living with someone again. For one, I rarely wear clothes while at home. Its nice to just be able to lay around in underwear or walk around naked. Also, though I rarely have sex, it will be odd having to restrict myself to times/places in the apartment that are convenient. No more sex on the living room floor I guess. And back to muzzling those screaming bottoms. Luckily I have my own bathroom. The good thing...my domestic side will come out--I love to cook, but not just for myself. And since we're on somewhat similar schedules, I'll hopefully have the opportunity to start cooking a lot more. And who doesn't want to save $400 a month?!!

Study: DC is Immune from Alzheimer's

After finishing The Swarm and The Children of Hurin (review pending), I've returned to my daily routine of reading The Express on my 4 Metro stop ride to work. Its amazing how everyone has the same but different routine when it comes to reading the paper during their commute. I read page 1 and 3, skim through the international, read the local, then the blog page (of course), "today in history", then if I have time, I read The Onion-like content on page 2. As an aside, whoever writes the horoscopes for The Express fuckin sucks! They're never even close to right.

So today's article that caught my eye was a recently released study of the linkage between how people classify their personalities and the likelihood of developing Alzheimer's. The gist of the study is that Type-A personalities (organized, driven, dominate) had a much lesser chance of developing Alzheimer's later in life. The really interesting part of the 200 word blurb was that some autopsies showed that even though Type-A people may have had bran lesions characteristic of Alzheimer's, they rarely developed signs of dementia, symptomatic of Alzheimer's. Very cool.

So since DC is 95% Type-A (I leave 5% for the hippies, coffee baristas, and Greenpeace solicitors), few of us should be walking around muttering nonsense by the age of 72. This is definitely a relief for me...my nonsensical mutterings must be some other mental disorder, and not Alzheimer's.

The Kid Report

The common assumptions when meeting guys from online:

• Add 25lbs
• Subtract 4 visible abdominal muscles
• Subtract 2 penis inches
• Add 5 years
• Add 1 octave to natural voice

So given those assumptions, I always have relatively realistic expectations when meeting people online. Luckily I had seen all the goods of The Kid from years of chatting, swapping pics, talking on the phone, and caming (back when people did that). But there's still room for surprise. I must admit, I was very pleasantly surprised with how the weekend turned out. He was cuter, same body, much bigger, and more down to earth than I expected. We did everything but get drunk--amazing for two gay guys, as bar/clubs are the social norm. Hopefully he'll come down for some more visits, I'm sure I'll head to Pittsburgh once or twice. No expectations, its just good to have fun in life.

I'm still the world's best son!

My mom made her second official visit to DC this weekend, overall it went pretty well. Luckily, my A/C outage was fixed just shortly after she arrived on Friday, which made the logistics of entertaining mom much easier. To summarize the weekend's events, I'll bullet:

• I've never driven so much in DC, it was a nice change. I'm still a parallel parking Ace.
• My aerobed sleeps very well
• She thoroughly enjoyed going to swim practice, it brought back many memories from my youth and she always loves meeting the gays.
• We shopped and shopped, taking full advantage of her SUV: two trips to Target, Linens n Things, Best Buy, Home Rule, etc. Mostly housewares; no clothes shopping
• Watched three movies over 2 days: The Bourne Ultimatum (great movie), Hot Fuzz (very funny, but would be funnier with friends as opposed to mom), Underworld (we love monster movies)
• Ate at Logan Tavern @ The Heights (second time, still good), 17th St Cafe (brunch was yummy as always), Mama Lucia's, Parkway Deli (mmmm...latkas), and cooked at home once
• Visited The Spy Museum (save your $16 if you watch lots of The Hisotry Channel, like me)
• Never went to the Vietnam, FDR, or Lincoln like she originally wanted to--too friggin hot.
• Only had to do a drive-by thru Georgetown, which pleased me.
• She constantly interrogated me about men I date--I quickly changed the subject each time.
• I made up for forgetting her birthday last weekend.

Next time I promised her we'd go to a musical/play and do some more sights, just not in 98 degree weather.

I Was Violated Yesterday!

I am not a materialistic person. However, I do become attached to those objects that are intimately tied to my life. Since I moved to DC and got rid of my car (most people's primary object of affection), my bike has become integral in my daily activities. However, that relationship was almost severed yesterday.

I am always extremely cautious with my bike, I lock up both wheels whenever its outside my apartment, as well as remove the seat. I've learned over the last year and a half that DC will take whatever it can get. When in Dupont, I often lock my bike up in my friend's garage at his cafe on 17th St. Though oddly, I always feel more nervous about doing this than just locking it to a street pole. My anxiety was proved right. Apparently, someone broke into the garage yesterday and was able to cut the locks on mine and another person's bikes in the garage. Luckily the fact that I removed the seat from mine made it difficult to get away, and an employee spotted and stopped them before my bike disappeared. My friend wasn't so lucky, his was stolen.

So last night I picked it up from the cafe. I hopped on, and it felt odd. Nothing was wrong with it, just didn't ride the same. I attribute this feeling to the fact that the relationship with my bike had been violated--much like the husband who cannot have sex with his wife after she is raped. Its an intangible feeling. But it still exists. Oh well, I'll get over it. Maybe we need to take a retreat and reconnect--spend some quality time together. Of course, that's after I buy a shiny new headlight and lock.

My Favorite Silver Injun

I rarely refer to people in non-PC terms. If you don't believe me, just ask my friend the Arian-Mexican Offspring. However, there has been a notable recent addition to my daily routine of taking the Metro to work and along the way passing countless bums. Surprisingly, the bums are not at the Columbia Heights Metro--maybe too much competition pushed them out, or there's just no sense in begging from the poor? Instead, they line up outside the Silver Spring Metro, under the nice shaded overpass in the relatively affluent (for MD) Montgomery County. There is an unspoken code amongst the bums at Silver Spring--one that I very much enjoy: no active solicitation for money. There are the regulars: the disabled Vet sitting on his shiny new mobility scooter with all new clothes, talking on his blue tooth, with a Big Gulp to collect money (ironically, the VA rents two floors from us...he begs from those that pay his disability); the fat black lady who sits on the ground, obviously mentally challenged; occasionally another guy on a scooter. Now there's the Injun. He makes me laugh, so I quite enjoy his recent arrival to Silver Spring.

The Injun sits in his wheel chair, with the characteristic Big Gulp begging cup common to all Silver Spring bums. However, he as a few additions that make his begging style "distinctive." At first he just sat there with a bow and arrow on the back of his wheelchair. Realize this is 20 feet from the entrance of a federal building, and 15 feet from the entrance to the Metro. He managed to escape detection by any security staff for over a week. Amazing. After his ancestral weapons were confiscated, he added feathers in his hair. Granted, I'm never one to undermine someone's attempt at accessorizing, but come on. Feathers? Maybe a nice scrunchie would be better, like JB uses. Now he also pretends his Big Gulp is a war drum and beats it with a pencil to attract attention--coming dangerously in violation of the "passive begging only" code for Silver Spring bums. Chanting would definitely result in a revocation of his begging rights.

So who are your favorite Metro DC bums?

Why DC?

In response to my solicitations for topics of discussion, my esteemed swimming wife, The Arian-Mexican Offspring wondered, "why [I] moved to DC?", specifically relating to career changes in research and education. Good question.

As I was a kid growing up in Philly, I always dreamed of becoming a marine biologist--I never had any other career aspiration that I can remember. That ambition is what drove me through high school science (which I hated) and undergraduate courses that seemed so useless to what I wanted to do. Finally I was an upperclassmen and took a position in a research lab with a professor I have for Marine Invertebrate Zoology. He made the survey/taxonomy class really interesting with his heavy sarcasm and humor. Who would've guessed he was gay. I got a B+ in Joe's class but he loved my spirit--I always sat in the front and knew all his little useless bits of trivia. After working in his lab for a few months doing marine natural products drug discovery research I approached him with a thesis idea. He was impressed--apparently no other undergrad had done that before; traditionally they're given assignments. No one tells the Consummate Aries what to do! So the world of ascidian chemical defenses became my life.

It was this intrigue and creativity that I showed early-on that got me into Georgia Tech for my PhD. At 22, I was the youngest in the department, and very green. But I still came up with the interesting research questions (or hypotheses) that allowed me to excel. Eventually I realized that academia wasn't for me and left with a M.S. Along the road, I learned that I had a gift for teaching--I was regularly rated as the best T.A. in the department, and because of that, was hired by the Athletic Association to keep our football retards eligible. That's fine, I loved to teach. So when I was confronted with the self-revelation that I didn't want to become a professor, I considered just teaching high school. I figured it cant hurt to give it a shot. So I taught 1 year at a private high school. Only problem was that I felt my brain disintegrating the whole time I was there. The thought of repeating the same thing year after year scared me--I had invested so much in my brain over the last 8 years in college and grad school. I decided to leave, go back to research, and moved to FL and life in the Everglades.

FL was not what I had expected it to be. I figured I'd be happy amongst the hot beach boys, going diving, fishing, and boating every weekend, making good money (or what I thought was good money). Turned out I hated my job and life. I started lookin for a new job about 3months into it--mostly in FL, ATL, or DC. I always had an attraction to DC--its known as very educated, clean, and diverse. Just the characteristics I like in a town. At the 9 month mark I found the perfect job ad: Environmental Visualization Program Manager. What the fuck is that?! Turned out it was a blend of research, management, and education/outreach. Unfortunately, I found the job around the holidays, so the interview process got dragged out. Four phone interviews later, and I was in DC for a formal job interview. With my best suit and $75 hair cut (that's a story in itself), I nailed the interview, was offered the job, and moved to DC two weeks later.

So here I am--17 months later, and enjoying DC more and more every month. I must admit, I do attribute a lot of that to my new found gaggle of gays on the swim team. Sure I don't have the beach, but aren't good friends, a great job, and a dynamic life more important?

The Supreme Chancellor

I love the term "Chancellor"...I think it conveys more power than any other title, even viceroy (probably #2). Today's local news has included Mayor Fenty's appointment of Michelle Rhee as the new Chancellor of DC Schools--Fenty's attempt to seize control of the languishing DC School District and hopefully repair it to at least a moderately functional status.

As a former teacher, I'm left somewhat apprehensive about this choice. DC Council Chairman Gray said, "She hasn't had a vast amount of management experience...There will be a wait-and-see period." I couldn't agree more. Apparently she only has 3 years of public teaching experience, then left to form a non-profit for teacher training. Over the course of these last 7 years I've tutored, TA'd, taught high school and college, and sit on our Education Council, but don't think I could ever handle the role of Chancellor. Hopefully she'll prove me wrong; luckily I don't have kids to worry about.