Reverse fake ID's

If there's one thing that annoys me about gay men (well...there isn't just one), its the inability to accept their own age. I love browsing online to find guys who flaunt the fact that they're ex-college athletes, or ex-frat guys...especially when they're now 35, and that was almost half a lifetime ago. Gay men don't like to accept their true age, and thus the fact that they're no longer the hot piece of ass that everyone wants to fuck. Why kid yourself? Accept who you are and love yourself...you'll save a lot of money on shrinks and drugs that way. I've always accepted the fact that I'm short and gay. And now I must accept the fact that I'm 29, dangerously close to 30, and not the cute twink dancing on the box at Backstreet anymore.


Or am I? As of this weekend, I'm once again a student at Georgia Tech. There were many great stories that came out of this weekend, most of them dealing with AtlWreck and his alcoholism, but this is by far the best--at least to a 30yr old gay man. I was staying at his frat house, casting for a new Amateur Straight Guys porno--well the first part is true. The day of the football game, the house's "Ticket Bitch" had a ticket for me...only problem was that it was student section, thus requiring a student ID. I no longer had mine from years ago. Problem? No...not with a scanner, printer, and Photoshop. PRESTO! I had a new student Georgia Tech BuzzCard, complete with a picture of myself, student ID number, and the name "Bill A. Balling" to match the signature. I kept it as a memento of the weekend. Sure, I might carry it in my wallet for the time-being, but at least I wont be trying to stuff my 30 year old gut into an Abercrombie and Fitch tshirt like most of my contemporaries in a vain attempt to recapture my youth.

The meaning of friendship

Its amazing how sometimes we make inaccurate assessments of the friends in our lives. Usually I'm on the short end of the stick. As I sit here in ATL, on my friend's computer, this epiphany has struck me. True friends go out of their way for each other. Superficial friends go out to bars, have some laughs, and think that they know and can depend on the other person, but really cant in all situations.

Why bring this up? My trip to Atlanta for the Thanksgiving holiday was to hang out with two friends I've maintained close ties with since leaving ATL--BG and JO (wouldn't that be funny if they were BJ and JO?!) . I assumed (as was the plan) that I would be staying with and spending the majority of my time with JO--who I have long considered one of my closest friends due to an intangible bond that we share. But no, I haven't seen JO in two and a half days now...so much for staying at his apartment while in town, catching up, and reminiscing about days past. If it wasn't for BG, I'd probably be having one of those trips where I say "Why the fuck did I even bother coming here?". Don't get me wrong...I love my BG and would come just to hang with him (as we've visited each other in the past), but I am just disappointed in the lack of attention shown by JO.

This is now the second time that JO has slighted me...I only give people 3 strikes, whether they realize it or not. And I can assuredly state that I will not be going out of my way for him in the future--unless I see some major reciprocation of effort. But I guess this weekend was actually valuable--it has made me realize what and who are most important in the grand scheme of things. Not to mention those people from my past who have come out of the woodwork to spend time with me in my stay here besides BG and JO.

As we used to sing in The Brownies (a story for another post), "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold." So true. And we must remember that both silver and gold tarnish with time; if not properly maintained, those once glittering jewels are relegated to the pawn shop.

An American Tradition

Maybe its a sign of the times--the growing influence of latin culture in the United States. Or it could be that the guest list includes names like Carlos, Pablo, and Puente.

The menu for Thursday includes...

Appetizers
Hummus and Pita
Salsa and Chips

Main Course
Turkey

Ham
Cranberry sauce

Sweet potato souffle

Rice

Green bean casserole
Tater tots

Mashed potatoes

Dessert
Pumpkin pie

Margarita pie

Drinks
Sangria

Yes...there are some odd things in there (see italics). None of them are my choosing. In fact, I'd almost prefer that no one else cooked. Imagine that...the Consummate Aries wanting total control over the situation.

The ThankfulAries

I'm not a very emotional person, in fact some think I'm cold (and you know who you are!). However, I would be remissed not to blog about those things in my life which are positive, and for which I'm thankful for in this past year. The biggest addition to my life in 2007 has been my swimmin sistas. What would I do without these friends? Though I may seem "distant" at some times, I'd go out of my way and bend over backwards for you all and help in any way I could. We've definitely had some great and memorable times--getting naked at bars, trips to swim meets (especially Paris and Philly), drunken sex talk at Nellies, and quiet dinners at home. And thank you all for driving my ass to and from practice. Not to mention your fat jokes keep me motivated to stay in shape, providing me with better health.

Next is my family. Although they don't read this (I hope!!), I'm so grateful for my new nephew. It was a long and arduous process for my sister just to have any child, but it was certainly worth the wait for this one. And of course, my mom and dad have been at my side whenever I need them.

Lastly, my other friends around the country are always there with a laugh and make traveling to see them a great reprieve from the pace of life in DC. I do need to make an effort to stay in better contact--but this is true of all my friends and family.

Social Obligatories

One draw-back to being gay (besides the lack of civil rights and the constant necessity of keeping your ass spic n span) is the fact that gay culture is a Platonian series of rings, all orbiting around a focus--the club scene. It is unavoidable, one must patronize the gay bars and clubs or face gay social gangrene...slowly withering away til you're cut off by your friends. Now I'm not espousing the need for a Copernican revolution, switching the focus to something like the gym or needle-work...I enjoy my bourbon in social scenarios as much as the next alcoholic. But here's my dilemma...I rather despise clubs.

While working as a teacher in ATL, I needed more spending cash--it may be a shock to you, but teachers dont make much money, especially at private schools. I did a friend a favor and worked the door/ID's at the gay club he managed since he regular was out that night (I used to say I was a bouncer, which technically I was, but people laugh when . Somehow I got stuck with the gig...every Friday and Saturday night at Jungle. Eventually this arrangement also turned into Sat, Mon, and Thurs night. This might be a blessing to some...constant access to liquor and drum n bass...but not me. It meant being surrounded by crack whores 4-5 nights a week.

Why do I bring this issue up? Because the new Ed Bailey club "Town" is opening in DC this weekend, and it is compulsory that a young'ish single gay man attend such an event--or so the Law of Gravity in a Platonian solar system dictates. Of course I want to see and be seen, but I'm not so excited about paying for over-priced, water-downed bourbon, being surrounded by an alphabet soup of drugs, nor staying up til 4am. But how else am I to meet my future husband? Sitting spread eagle and naked in the sauna at Results with a "Yours for the Taking" sign sure isnt working. On the plus side, I would be able to get steak and eggs and Annies with the Architect's husband at 4:30am.

Call me June Cleaver

...or better yet, call me Martha-Jean. After all, over the past weekend I successfully integrated tips from Martha and my mom (Jean) into a cohesive domestic experience reminiscent of June Cleaver, herself. Luckily, the Imelda was motivated to organize all of her belongings in preparation for our the hybrid fete of the Pentegenarian's birthday and our housewarming party on Sunday night. I think each of our guests were shocked to find her room in order. But to get it to that state required copious amounts of cleaning, organizing, shopping, and zshuzshing (to borrow a term from Queer Eye). Pictures, mirrors, shelves etc mounted on walls, carpets arranged, electronics properly wired and configured, 30 boxes unpacked and organized, food shopping, cooking, cleaning afterwards. No time for rest, that's for sure!!

And when it was all said and done, our hearth-warmed house was open to guests for wine, cheese, salad, lasagna, and birthday cake. Not to mention a few stiff cocktails made by yours truly. Needless to say, afterwards I went out and bought new curtains...always need to keep guests on their toes and impressed by new decorations. Martha and Jean would be proud.

These toys are FUN!

I now know what to get all my friends for Xmas. Thanks to China, they've made shopping so much easier!! Click here to see what you're getting!

Beer DOES come in 4-packs

Currently, my abs look like this...

Like all [gay] men, I'd like them to look like this...

However, I know that's not a possibility. Why? Exhibit A:

I made this cake exactly 40 hours ago. No one besides me has eaten any of the cake. In fact, 1/2 of the cake was eaten in 24 hours. These binging habits are why I never buy baking goods...I love them, and gorge them all too rapidly and solitarily.

Calories = 3100

Grams of fat = 80

From Ducks to Domiciles

Wow....its been a crazy week. Where to begin? First, I've been absent due to my move. As alluded to in previous posts, I have becomes a non-sexual domestic partner with The Imelda. We found a quaint condo in Mt Pleasant to lease. So all last week I was packing up my old apt and getting ready for the move. Luckily, I convinced Neighbor Chad to help me pack in exchange for a homemade Italian feast. Very fair I'd say. The movers came on Thursday--I give them 4 Stars for friendliness, efficiency, and moving skill. Since then I've been unpacking and buying needless shit for the new place. The Imelda takes up residence on Wednesday. And I did check...she has 2-3x the closet space that I do, so hopefully all her shoes will fit.

(Not my decorations. Naturally mine are better.)

And if you're lucky you'll be invited to the housewarming!

Now how could I forget, in the midst of all that madness, my favorite day/night of the year came to pass. Yes...Halloween. Though I had some great costume ideas set aside from previous years, we had to go with a swim suit theme for our a team fundraiser at Nellies. I couldnt be something stereotypical or cliche, so I thought of the wackiest thing I could...speedo and rubber duckies. Now some may consider it a crime to cover my very reputable ass with plastic oddities, but the bobbing of duck bills and tails from the natural wiggle of my booty when I walk was (I'm sure) enough to please those who I would have otherwise offended. I did have some problems with people grabbing certain duckies, but a little ingenuity (box packing tape from the move) solved the problem of falling ducks over the course of the night.