Cover Stories

For those of us who try to butch it up as much as we can, covering up the really gay aspects of our lives are important, especially when it comes to injuries. For instance, when a friend spiral fractured his leg playing tennis (gay sport) over New Years Day, we said it was from falling out of the sling during a gang bang...believable given the person's sexual escapades. Likewise, this weekend I went to Philly for their annual gay swim meet, OutFestival, and to see my newborn nephew. I was entered in their mini sprint competition...4 individual races, 50yds of each stroke (fly, back, free, breast). I predicted that I would win the competition, and thus all hotties would want to bang...big time. First off, I'd like to admit that I'm not always right.

The meet location was kinda shitty...I had problems adjusting to the poorly light pool. For some reason I kept misjudging the distance to the walls, taking an extra stroke, and slamming my fingers and hands into the wall....hard. After doing it in the relay (breast) and fly, my body had it. It felt like I broke my hand on the finish. I would've scratched the rest of my events, but the Aries in my kept up the fight (or maybe it was the Eye of the Tiger since I was back in my hometown of Philly). But in all honesty, it was probably the desire to win my medal and be totally bang'able. I could picture all the bottoms from across the DelVal area flocking. So I taped up and kept swimming, hoping the endorphins and adrenaline would block out the severe pain. They did. Then on the last event (breast) I did it again. I was going hard into the wall to touch out the guy I thought was really hot. Maybe I should've let him win...his ego wouldn't have been so badly bruised, and neither would my hand. Maybe then he would've given up a piece.

So here I sit with my medal, wrapped up hand, and still sexless. I am a complete disappointment to the team--I think they value "inter-squad camaraderie" over total points won. Maybe next time I'll just focus on sex instead of swimming. Then again, I think that's what I did on Saturday anyway. But alas, I still need a better cover story than "I broke my hand at a swim meet." Maybe something like "I saved a blind pregnant woman from getting mugged," or "I was fisting a hot muscular virgin bottom when his sphincters suddenly contracted, crushing my hand." Better ideas?

Contemptuous Careers

Most of us in DC work at relatively large agencies, companies, or corporations. Part of this work environment is dealing with people who have completely different jobs than your own, and thus personalities. In prior jobs, I had to work alongside with engineers quite often--who are their own breed of human; some may argue that they're not real people at all. Currently the people that irk me greater than any other group are those that deal with policy and political relations. Specifically inter-agency and international affairs. I often look at them and think, "God, I'd kill myself if this was my job!" It seems like all they do is worry about this or that so that no one is ever offended, regardless of how useless that entity may be in the scheme of things. Do they really take joy in sweating the little things?



Every time I deal with policy people, I just want to strangle them. I guess this is definitely one area where my Aries hinders my job--I cant bite my tongue, beat around the bush, or sugar-coat things. But maybe this is why I am single, as asked by GCC. Do I treat too many people in my social life with the same amount of disdain as I do policy makers/political kiss-asses? If so, I need to identify this flaw and potentially correct my ways.

Can a ConsummateAries be Courteous, Too?

I constantly find myself in conflicting situations. Raised with the proper manners of any outstanding suburbanite, I always say "thanks," hold doors open, and let people ahead of me, especially women. Herein lies the conflict with my Aries...I'm very competitive and Type-A; this manifests itself as me being a fast walker and always in a rush. So after I let everyone go in front of me to exit the elevator, I try to zoom right past them to get out of the building door. Quite often I get stuck behind slow walkers--the most annoying things in my life. The only time I'm not ultra-courteous is when I'm on the Metro. Its every man/woman for himself. I don't give up my seat, unless its for someone old or disabled, and I'll fight to get in the car so I can have my choice of seats.

I Never Take "NO" for an Answer

Hell, I don't even take a lack of response for an answer. I think everyone knows what I'm talking about already. If you don't, you're more dateless and undersexed than I am. But to be completely transparent, I mean the world of cyberdating. (though in my life it sometimes borders on cyberstalking) BEEP BEEP BEEP: News Flash just came in. It will be mentioned in Addendum #1 and #2. So yes, cyberdating/stalking. As a ConsummateAries, I am persistent and a complete go-getter. I always need my way to prevail. So ya ever see someone online or in real life and think, "I must have him!"? For me its kind of like a great tie at the store: I will dwell on it until I finally just get it, although I may not need it at the time. So after seeing someone, we go through that routine of searching on _____ (insert website like myspace, friendster, gay.com, MH, etc) until we find clues. We also post the obligatory "Missed Connection" on Craigslist, hoping that it will be the first time a real response is received. Voila! A clue: the fruits of our labor come through and we find an email or something. A week after sending the introductory email, and not hearing anything back, you wonder "maybe it got deleted with a bunch of junk", so you resend something with a catchy cover as to why you're resending.

No word.

Try again.

No word.

Give it a month or two for them to break up with Mr Right-Now. BAM! They get back to you.

This series has happened to me countless times. In fact one guy said, "You were so persistent that I had to just find out what you were like." I wasn't sure if that was a compliment, but I know he was happy he emailed me back after we met. I am, after all, cursed with a total lack of photogenicness (or photogenicity?).

The latest version of this story occurred this week. I always saw this guy at the gym, emailed him occasionally on friendster, no response. Then out of the blue he starts chatting with me as if he's never seen me before. Then asks me out to workout, drinks, and a party later on in the week. Its almost to the point that he appears to be bi-polar. 0 to 60 in .2 seconds. But of course I jump at the opportunity to go out. Lust is almost impossible to overcome.

Addendum #1: I just got a Gmail IM from him...he's buried in work, so he cant go out tonight (this is after postponing last night too). But the party is still on. That's two strikes. Three and they're out in my book. Then again, with abs like his, he gets 6 strikes.

Addendum #2: He just called and now we're back on again for drinks tonight. Amazing.