The Soprano in the Capital

...And the screen goes black. How do I describe my emotions today? Shock, dismay, sadness? A great thing has ended...the Gay Canuck in the Capital blog. I'm sure many of use are left wondering "Why?!" on this black day in September. Could it be work oversight, counsel from therapy, a lack of things to say (I seriously doubt it)? Whatever the reason, I'd just like to thank GCC for many hours of laughter, insight, and banter. And as I return to work on Monday, I'll have to find one more thing to do to waste time. Maybe take a shit TWO floors down instead of one.

It Puts the Lotion on its Skin

Its amazing how two people can be so similar in some respects, right up to a point where it just all falls apart. Take, for instance, GCC and myself. Besides being blessed with 5'6" height, athletic bodies, muscular abs that naturally jet out giving us the appearance of a slight gut, exercise fanatics, we're also both biologists and aggressive tops who have a slight bent for the creative side of sex. So we're twins, right? Or at least I'm the MUCH younger brother.

Wrong. This really struck me while comparing our two reactions to Le Depot in Paris...what he calls a "backroom" bar, I call a "dark, seedy, windy den of debauchery." I guess officially its a cruising bar. However, when I first entered the...how should I put it...foyer of the lounge, I already knew this wasn't for me. I then proceeded downstairs. It was here that I was struck with a deep sense that I'd been here before...not in real life, but by proxy. It WAS the basement of Jamie Gumb, aka Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs.

As my beloved Kathy Griffin would say, "Let me break it down." You go in and there are relatively bare cement brick hallways. Its very dark except for the eerie red light that casts a dream-like haze over the entire space. If only it was green light, it would be just like looking thru Bill's night vision goggles. You then meander through what seems to be a nonsensical series of small hallways with tiny cubby holes. Did I mention its REALLY dark? The amazing thing is that guys are hanging out in the hallways...and actually leaning on the walls. I wouldn't touch any surface of the place even if I had on a full biohazard suit. And you know some freak there would get off on their biohazard suit fetish if I walked in wearing one. (I never understood the whole gas mask fetish...unless they're realllly ugly.)

So like Clarice, I explore the dark, seedy, windy den of debauchery, every once in a while popping back into the bar room (imagine the SOTL dungeon pit room) that is well light. And as I quickly turn each corner to find another dark cubbyhole, I hear the breathing of nasty mean, just like Jamie Gumb, behind me. Though that could've been The Mexican. What really scared me is that even considering my physical bulk, I could easily be abducted into one of the rooms that actually had a door, and some guy would devirginize my ass (I consider my ass virgin since its been untouched for about 4 years now).

So like I said below, I stayed a whole 15minutes...while GCC "had fun...[and] nailed some willing bottom like there was no tomorrow."

IGLA History Makers

As my esteemed teammate GCC wrote in his latest blog, he set a new record for the 1400 m freestyle. Congratulations! It was one helluva way to start of the first day of the competition. The next day was my first race: 50 m backstroke. Now all my life, I was always a breast and fly guy...until high school. When you have a team of 12 guys and 5 are really good at breast, you find something else to do. We tried distance: I was ruthlessly lapped every time. So I tried backstroke once for shits n giggles...just to get out of doing the 500. Who would've known...I was good at back (my arch-nemesis in childhood).

Fast-forward 13 years to Paris. "Take your mark (though it sounded like "Gen..tlemen" with the french accent)...BEEP". I, being a flawless Aries, have a great start (a relic of my days as a diver) and underwater kick, surface and am swimming great...neck and neck. I see the backstroke flags, take my three strokes, then flip on my stomach. BAM!! The wall is still 10 m away. FUUUUCK ME! Somehow I mistook the 15 m line across the pool (where you must surface for backstroke) for the flags at the last 5 m. So there I am...middle of the pool, turning onto my stomach. Waaaay to impress all the hotties in the crowd with my backstroke prowess. Luckily, I wasn't disqualified, but ended up with a bad time :-( One more IGLA bonehead record, I'm sure! From now on, I'm going back to breast.

Luckily the next swims went much better. To be continued...

He was an animal in bed!

One of my friends and teammates, GCC, just posted a blog about the controversial documentary Zoo, detailing a man's 'love affair' with a horse. This brings up a great opportunity to introduce one of my favorite websites (very safe for work) which also has a review of another high profile zoophilia movie out there right now.