I'm running for president

Many people run on single-issue platforms. Ross Perot had his chickens, Steve Forbes was the flat tax, last election W was all about national security, as is Guiliani this year. My presidential platform will be health care. But its not the position you'd imagine.

As I walk to the Metro each morning, I pass the kids going to the Bell and Lincoln multicultural schools. Not once have I ever seen these kids scarfing down something healthy for breakfast as they rush off to class. Nope, its usually something like chips, Doritos, Skittles, etc. Invariably they're also incredibly fat for their age...and growing wider by the day. The problem with socialized health care is that I'll have to pay for their unnecessary diabetes and other treatments. Fuck that! If we go down this road towards socialized health care, I want a requirement that to qualify, you need a BMI below 30. Failure to maintain that BMI will result in the loss of coverage--except the use of fitness related discounts.