Maybe My Life Isn't So Bad

I just finished the most recently completed (posthumously) story by J.R.R. Tolkien. For those of you who lived 2001-2004 in a time warp, he's the author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. His son has taken on the job of assembling his notes and pieces of stories, along with the constructions of worlds and languages to complete The Simarillion, The Unfinished Tales, and now...(drum roll)...The Children of Hurin.

Plot Summary:
Turin is the son of Hurin, one of the Lords of Men when the elves ruled Middle Earth. Hurin, after losing the great battle against the Dark Lord Morgoth, is enslaved. Turin is then raised by the Elvish King Thingol, but apart from his mother.

• Shitty life moment #1: Dad is a slave to the powers of evil



• Shitty life moment #2: Orphaned to the Elves--and we all know how hot they are. Legolas...mmmmm (look but don't touch)

Turin grows up to be a fine specimen of a man, slaying orcs left and right and protecting Middle Earth from evil. After a quarrel with an elf lord, he flees civilization to live in the wild.

• Shitty life moment #3: Adjusting from Charmin to tree leaves

After more battles, he meets a woman in the woods, marries with her, and plants his seed. Later he discovers...

• Shitty life moment #4: His wife is his sister (EEEEWWWW!)

Analysis:
But besides the tortured soul aspects, the book is filled with great visuals of epic battles, dragons, landscape, and elvish hotties. And it wasn't plagued by the terminology contained in The Simarillion (considered a "very hard read" by most literary scholars).

Overall Grade: A-

The Swarm

I'm not a big fiction novel reader, usually a story has to have some plausible tie to reality--which is why I typically only read historical fiction. The only true fictional books that I have read in recent memory were the J.R.R. Tolkien books (Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Simarillion), of course I enjoyed them, as I live for the movies. One of my coworkers convinced me to read a relatively new book, The Swarm. Its an oceanographic science fiction--which appeals to my inner marine biologist. Like LOTR, this book is HUGE...886 pages (and only one picture).

The Skinny on the Fatty Book:
I am a man of little patience when it comes to life, though I try my hardest when dealing with people. Let's just sat that a good 350 pages could have been edited out of the current version of The Swarm simply from unnecessary dialog and plot lines that are irrelevant to the final story conclusion. The author, Frank Schatzing, did an incredible amount of research for this book, and it seemed he like to prove it. Then there's the dialogue..."GET ON WITH IT!" (I kept hearing Monty Python scream that in my head) But if you're not an ADD reader like myself, and enjoy a good yarn, the story is quite fascinating--much like The Matrix in its ability to make you question your understanding of life and consciousness.

Major Plot line: Weird shit starts happening in the oceans--whales attack boats, deep sea worms destabilize methane seeps, toxic endoparasites are found in lobsters, etc. After the continental shelves collapse and a mega-tsunami wipes out all of northern Europe, it is discovered that all these problems are linked. The world, lead by the U.S. (odd since it was written by a German), tries to solve the problem combining scientific and military might. The revelation? A species of amoeba-like algae have evolved a consciousness much like, and superior to, humans. It is able to analyze and solve problems, strategize, and communicate. It can also invade and control any life form it interacts with. To overcome this threat, man must recognize that he is not in control of Earth.

Overall Grade: B